Blue Freezing

edloe_laptop_backDr. Bonner #1 pussycat here.
Image by isfullofcrap via Flickr
Warm laptop hangin
Mizma won't do it. Image by via Flickr

Date: Thu, 06 Apr 2000 00:58:17
To: BimBim <TheMan@squirrel.tree>
From: Bonner <TheDoctor@pusshaven.purr>
Subject: Blue Freezing

Hello BimBim, Dr. Bonner #1 pussycat here.

I am writing because Mizma won’t do it. I’ve begged him to write to you about this, but he just doesn’t get it!  We have a very serious problem here and we need you to come home. Now. Purrlease.

It’s cold here. In fact when Carm finally opened the door to let me out, all I did was sniff the air. I’m not kidding. I didn’t even get as far as the doorstep even though she wouldn’t let me out for two days! Every time I asked, she said: ‘No Bonner, you do not want to go out. It’s too cold. TRUST ME. You’ll freeze your paws in an instant.’

But this time when I asked, she said: “Okay, you wanna go out? You really wanna go out? Fine.”  Then opened the door just wide enough for me to slip out, and stood there with a ‘you-asked-for-it’ look on her face. I stood back from the opening, about 6 inches, and sniffed. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… My whiskers froze almost instantly, and my nostrils? Well, I could tell right away that it was too cold, even for me! Moi! Dr. Bonner #1 pussycat, who insists on going out in blizzards. I don’t know what that cold is in Celsius, but in my nostrils it’s blue freezing (that’s cat language for below.  Bu-lue = be-low. Get it? Freezing.)

Anyway, this is the problem: When it gets this cold Carm gets unbelievably cuddly. It’s driving both me and Mizma crazy.  She seduces us with ear scratching and belly rubs then takes us to bed with her! Right under the covers! She says we help warm it up. I usually squirm out as soon as she stops with the ears and lie on your pillow. (When you’re not here, it’s my pillow. Mizma knows better than to even try.)

The situation has become intolerable. We boys need reinforcements and we want you to come home. NOW!  I don’t know how much longer we can take all this cuddle shmuddle….HEEEEEEEEELP….she’s coming to get me right now…. she’s plunging down on me! She’s grabb …$$#… @@*+ _(^&%J}{“>M%$U….

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