As promised on Friday, Emily Dubberley has written a post on X-Rated Food and she delivered a day early. Yeah! So here it is. Do click her links to read more about her kinky food experiences.
Food and sex are inextricably linked to my mind. Both are essential for the survival of the human race. Both can be enjoyed recreationally or used ascetically. Both offer up opportunities for pleasure and for abuse. They are two of the few universals that every person on this planet shares, yet everyone has their own individual appetites.
Not one of us would be here without food or sex.
Yet the majority of articles about X-rated food ignore these deeper connections and instead focus on such fripperies as chocolate body paint or aphrodisiac seduction meals. I should know. I’ve written my fair share of them.
While food can undoubtedly form part of a seduction, when it comes to sex, I’m of the opinion that it should take a back seat (unless, of course, you happen to have a fetish for some form of food play, in which case, feast away).
Chocolate sauce on the genitals is a sure-fire recipe for vaginal thrush; whipped cream may seem like a sexy idea but the aroma of warm dairy is unlikely to feature in a top ten list of seductive scents; and as to sharing a tub of ice cream, what’s wrong with using a spoon rather than your lover’s naked body? That way, you get to enjoy the dessert without tainting the flavour with your lover’s sweat or cologne; and get to enjoy the taste of your lover’s skin without tainting the flavour with melting artificial stickiness.
If that sounds prudish, perhaps I should point out that over the course of my time as a journalist, I’ve spent an evening indulging in Nyotaimori – being a naked sushi girl (but for a pair of silver hot pants).
I’ve tried sploshing – a fetish that was created in the UK and entails throwing custard pies, getting covered in cake mixture and cream desserts, and generally having the kind of food fight that takes a week to clean up. (Read about Emily’s Sploshing experience at Splosh U.K.)
I’ve reviewed aphrodisiac chocolate and cocktails, and tested more flavoured lubes than anyone should ever put in their mouth.
And throughout all this experimentation I’ve learned:
a) Warm sushi does not taste as good as cold sushi.
b) Custard is hell to get out of your hair.
c) Aphrodisiac chocolates and cocktails both deliver similar levels of headache.
That’s not to say that food has no place in sex. I’ve seen endless wonderful examples of food-inspired erotic art. A romantic dinner can be a great way to set the mood (as long as you’re a confident cook and don’t spend the entire evening panicking and sweating in all the wrong ways). Watching someone eat can give a valuable insight into what they’re likely to be like in bed: if someone’s fussy about what they put in their mouth and eats without relish, it’s unlikely they’ll abandon themselves sexually, slurping away, juices and all. Hell, I was first drawn to my partner because he’s a chef who’s even more passionate about food than I am.
But combining sex and food in a more direct fashion? It’s a bit like swimming with dolphins and sipping the perfect Martini: both wonderful experiences in their own right but combining the two is likely to leave a funny taste in your mouth.